Forgiving - God of the Impossible: Day Ten, Week Ten

Offense is one of the biggest snares we all deal with as Christians. I don’t know about you, but I am continually battling my thoughts where offense is concerned. Not because I am easily offended but because I am sensitive in my spirit and pick up on people’s attitudes and dispositions easily. I have had to learn that people have instinctive initial reactions to things, and if I react to their first reaction because I recognize it is negative, I do them a disservice by not allowing them time to work through their own biases.

Just the other day, I had a wellness appointment at a specialist office that I had never been to before. I am an observer of details, and that day was no different. When I walked in, I was paying attention to every detail. The place was pristine and classically decorated. The staff was pleasant. Then, the nurse practitioner came in to greet me, and I am ashamed to say my instinctive reaction was not good. I am sure that person felt what I was feeling. My involuntary assessment was that they appeared very unprofessional in their overall appearance. I had a reaction that surprised me, and I didn’t like it.

At the same moment, I thought to myself, “Why am I reacting this way? What is this in me that is causing me to react this way to this stranger who is here to provide a service to me?”

I have felt a similar reaction at times from clients entering my office for the first time. As soon as they walk in, I can feel their judgment or discomfort, and I do my best to disarm and be kind to them, knowing that their reaction to me is also instinctive for whatever reason.

I left the appointment that day wondering what was going on with me that caused such a negative reaction of judgment, and furthermore, how did I make that provider feel?

If we ask God to “search me…and see if there be any wicked way in me” (Psalms 139:23, 24 NKJV) he will do just that. God will show us what is in us if we will ask Him to, and lately, he has been showing and refining me, which is what it is really all about; making us more like Him.

When I got home that day, I repented. I was ashamed of my behavior. I still have wounds that have produced perfectionistic traits, among other things. God has healed me in many areas, but I have been going through a new season of healing, which means old wounds are getting exposed. My reaction to the provider was about my own arrogance serving as a shield against old feelings of unworthiness. I had no idea that was still hidden in my heart until that experience.

Not only did I ask God to forgive me, I asked God to protect her from any negative feelings her interaction with me might have caused. I didn’t want my behavior from unhealed wounds to have a negative effect on her. God can intervene and block what was said in nonverbal communication.

Perhaps you have been on the receiving end of someone’s bad behavior and have become offended, or perhaps you have been the one acting in a manner that does not reflect the fruit of the spirit. Either way, we must give one another grace, while also granting ourselves grace which only comes when we forgive.

Today’s prayer is a simple one. It is taken from Matthew 6:12-15: “Forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors…if we forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly father forgive you.”

I think we forget, at times, that by holding offense against someone, God will not forgive us. That is a scary thing. I repent daily, just to be on the safe side. But there have been times I have been in prayer that the Lord brings up something that has been hidden away in the recesses of my heart, and when it comes up, I repent in a completely different way. I am sure you know what I am talking about.

Today, there may not be anything you need to ask forgiveness for. But I find when there is a willingness to forgive, sometimes that is all God requires. It is the posture of our heart that he is looking at. Maybe you need to forgive yourself, maybe you don’t know how to forgive yourself, but if you are willing to do that, God will help you with the rest.

I will be seeing the provider this week, and when I do, I will apologize to her for how I treated her at our first meeting. I owe her that. I owe God that, and I owe myself that. In the middle of those two verses I quoted above is one very important key verse, sandwiched between three verses about forgiveness. “Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.”

I wonder if we are more prone to temptation because we have unforgiveness. Something to think about!

Until next week, occupy until He comes.

Kathy Chastain

Thank you for your continued commitment to prayer. It means a lot. Until next week, occupy until He comes.

Kathy Chastain